I miss her :(

My First Christmas in Heaven

I see the countless Christmas trees around the world below
With tiny lights, like Heaven’s stars, reflecting on the snow
The sight is so spectacular, please wipe away the tear
For I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.
I hear the many Christmas songs that people hold so dear
But the sounds of music can’t compare
with the Christmas choir up here.

I have no words to tell you, the joy their voices bring,
For it is beyond description, to hear the angels sing.
I know how much you miss me, I see the pain inside your heart
But I am not so far away, we really aren’t apart.
So be happy for me, dear ones, you know I hold you dear.
And be glad I’m spending Christmas
with Jesus Christ this year.

I sent you each a special gift, from my heavenly home above.
I sent you each a memory of my undying love.
After all, love is a gift more precious than pure gold
It was always most important in the stories Jesus told.
Please love and keep each other, as my Father said to do
For I can’t count the blessing or love he has for each of you
So have a Merry Christmas and wipe away that tear
Remember, I am spending Christmas
with Jesus Christ this year.
( by Author Unknown)

Tell Them

I'm told that time will make it better but I can't imagine this feeling ever going away. I still can't believe that this has happened and I still can't believe she's gone. I feel like I could call her now and she would answer the phone w/ her usual "Sustah" cuz that's what she did. Family gatherings will never be as funny, or entertaining, or close to the same ever again. My only question is Why?? Seriously drugs and money?! drugs and money?! It's just not fair.
My grandfather says that there is a reason for this and we can't see it thru the pain right now but something good will come from this, I can't imagine what that could possibly be, but I'll hope that something good does come from it.
I guess if I've learned anything this past week it's to not take ur loved ones for granted cuz they may be gone tomorrow. It wasn't until my grandmother got sick that I even started telling ppl I loved them. But tell them you love them, give them a hug. Tell them often and mean it. And I knew that before hand but I look back and I realize that I did take having her for granted. Don't let a tragedy like this have to teach you the hard way. I regret that the last time I talked to her I don't kno if I told her I loved her or not. Don't have a reason to question something like that, say it everytime, so you'll be sure. I kno that she knows I love her and will always but I do wish that I hadn't taken her presence here for granted.

"Bye Bye"
Mariah Carey

This is for my peoples who just lost somebody
Your best friend, your baby, your man, or your lady
Put your hand way up high
We will never say bye (no, no, no)
Mamas, daddies, sisters, brothers, friends and cousins
This is for my peoples who lost their grandmothers
Lift your head to the sky 'cause we will never say bye

As a child there were them times
I didn't get it but you kept me in line
I didn't know why you didn't show up sometimes
On Sunday mornings, and I missed you
But I'm glad we talked through
All them grown folk things
Separation brings
You never let me know it
You never let it show because
You loved me and obviously
There's so much more left to say
If you were with me today face to face

[Chorus:]
I never knew I could hurt like this
And everyday life goes on like
I wish I could talk to you for awhile
Miss you but I try not to cry
As time goes by
And it's true that you've reached a better place
Still I'd give the world to see your face
And I'm right here next to you
But it's like you're gone too soon
Now the hardest thing to do is say bye bye

(Bye Bye [3x])
Bye bye

And you never got the chance to see how good I've done
And you never got to see me back at number one
I wish that you were here to celebrate together
I wish that we could spend the holidays together

I remember when you used to tuck me in at night
With the Teddy Bear you gave to me that I held so tight
I thought you were so strong
You'd make it through whatever
It's so hard to accept the fact you're gone forever

[Chorus]

(bye bye bye bye bye bye [3x])
Bye bye

This is for my peoples who just lost somebody
Your best friend, your baby, your man, or your lady
Put your hand way up high
We will never say bye (no, no, no)
Mamas, daddies, sisters, brothers, friends and cousins
This is for my peoples who lost their grandmothers
Lift your head to the sky 'cause we will never say bye

[Chorus]

Untitled

I debated about whether to post this blog or not, because it is family and I've always said when ppl wrote things like this that 'everybody didn't wanna kno ur family's business' and if u don't wanna kno stop reading now, cuz it helps me to write it out, so welcome to my grieving process.
I'll begin by saying that my family is far from conventional but we were close and we love one another to no end. I have 4 aunts, 3 of which I have lived w/ at some point in my childhood. Before I moved in w/ my grandparents, my mother and I lived w/ my oldest aunt and her family for 2 yrs. Her youngest son is 11 months older than me and we were like brother & sister for that time. We shared a room, we watched power rangers before school everyday, we rode the bus together everyday, we played together everyday, we fought just like siblings, we swam together, we were kids together. We were somewhat close until we entered our teens, then we lived in diff. towns and we weren't like siblings anymore, but we were still family.
If I had to describe his mom, my aunt w/ one word it would be: giving. She would do anything and everything for anybody in need, sometimes to a fault. She did so much for me and for my entire family, and she always forgave family, always. No matter what they did (and some members of my family have done some messed up things) she would still say they are family. I love her and I always will.
On Thursday morning I woke up to my youngest aunt calling to tell me that my oldest aunt had been found dead. Disbelief set in and I couldn't believe it was possible, I didn't understand why, I just couldn't comprehend. Once I managed to calm down somewhat I was told that they believed her youngest son was responsible. I felt like the air had been sucked out of my chest I couldn't breathe, I couldn't speak, I couldn't move. That just wasn't right, he couldn't have done this, he wouldn't have done this, they were wrong he couldn't have done it. But in fact he had done it, he was captured and he confessed. I know that the person that pulled that trigger was not the little boy that I played cops and robbers with, I know that the person that did this heinous thing was not the person that I knew without the drugs, I know that but that doesn't make the pain any less. Now I grieve the loss of my aunt, that was taken from this Earth way 2 soon. I want to hate him and feel anger towards him 4 taking someone I love away from me, for causing our family more pain than we could ever imagine. I can't make myself feel those things tho, right now all I feel is hurt, hurt that he did this to her, hurt that this is what drugs brought him 2, hurt that he took her away, hurt that she didn't deserve this, hurt that he did this 2 OUR family, hurt that I still love him, and hurt that I will always love and miss her.

<3 Love <3

I'm sure y'all have seen this by now, but the expression of sheer joy on Joe's face when he jumps on Jon after he sings step 5 is incredible. I didn't think it was possible but it makes me love them even more. Each day I think "man there is no way I could love these guys anymore" and then almost everyday they do something or I see something that makes me love them that much more. I'm gonna run outta love pretty soon LOL. j/k I could never run outta love for these guys. I think that I may love it so much because I caught a glimpse of them having the kind of joy they bring to me daily.



After my Negative Nancy friends tried to prepare me for "the end" I came to accept that even if there was no more New Kids they wouldn't leave us completely between twitter and their solo projects, there would be other opportunities, but now I don't have to settle for that (hopefully). This video makes me incredibly happy. I am trying not to get too excited about this because it's not set in stone yet, but man does it give me hope! 2011!

I Love the New Kids On The Block with all my heart!!!!!! <3 <3 <3

I LOVE..............

JORDAN KNIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Miss my Bishes!!!

Well it's been 'bout a week and I miss y'all bunches!!
I haven't really talked to everybody since being back cuz life is crazy, with tests and work, and trying to figure out my future.
My mother got outta prison week before last and so now it's kind of a waiting game to see if she's gonna stay on the right track or stay on the track to take her right back, although she's no where near me so that doesn't affect me too much, more so school and finances that have me struggling right now.
I've decided that it really isn't going to be possible for me to work and do an internship this summer cuz that would put me at working about 85 hrs. per week for 12 weeks and I just don't think I can do it so I'm going to try to take some classes this summer and do my internship in the fall to try to graduate only a semester behind. Try is the operative word though. It breaks my heart to feel like I didn't accomplish what my grandmother wanted for me, so I get really down when I think about it. But When that happens I try to think about the look on Jordan's face when I told him he made me tingly and I get better for a little while LOL. The simple things that make me smile.

In honor of Jordan stealing my heart:


I love Jordan Knight he makes me tingly, but I still Love Donnie Wahlberg too!

I've Found my Soulmate

So at work the other day I was helping a cute looking (score one) fella, I was suggesting movies and most of the movies I suggested he had seen and agreed w/ my opinion (scores some more points) then I laugh at something he says and he tells his friend "she's so cute" (points are flying now) then he asks me what my sign is and I tell him "Pisces, my birthday is this weekend," so he asks me what I'm doing to celebrate and I tell him I'm going to a concert next week, he asks who I was going to see and I responded New Kids on the Block (w/ a chesire grin on my face cuz I always grin from ear to ear when I talk about them) and I expected him to laugh like most people do when I tell them I'm going to see them but his response.............?!?

He says "oh they're back? Donnie was always my fav. cuz he's bad ass." He not only didn't laugh at my love but he has a favorite, and that favorite is also my Donnie, and he said I was so cute! Could we be more perfect for each other? I think I have really met my soulmate. lol

Okay I'm pretty sure that the girl he usually comes in with is his girlfriend (although I'm hoping it's his sister) so he's not really my soulmate and of course we all know that Donnie really is but I thought it was interesting enough to share LOL.

And since there is a FRIENDS reference in there I will include a clip of one of my favorite scenes from this show ever

here is Joey Could he be wearing anymore clothes?

Got this from Erin, I kind of cheated cuz I did this on Mallory(my roommate)'s computer but we have pretty much the same taste in music.

SET YOUR IPOD OR MP3 PLAYER TO SHUFFLE AND ANSWER THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS IN SOME CASES IT'S WEIRDLY ACCURATE. HAVE FUN!!!!!

How am I feeling today? All-American Girl-Carrie Underwood

Will I get far in life? Put it on my Tab-New Kids On The Block

How do my friends see me? I'm Real-J. Lo

Where will I get Married? Survivor-Destiny's Child

What is my best friend's theme song? My Best Friend-Tim McGraw

What is the story of my life? Better in Time-Leona Lewis

What is/was high school like? Beast of Burden-Rolling Stones

How can I get ahead in life? You Make me Sick-Pink

What is the best thing about me? Officially Over-New Kids On The Block(Not sure how that one fits)

How is today going to be? Stutter-Joe

What is in store for this weekend? This Kiss-Faith Hill

What song describes my parents? I hate everything about you-Three days grace (WOW)

To describe my grandparents? With You-Jessica Simpson

How is my life going? I Wish-R. Kelly

What song will they play at my funeral? Lucky-Britney Spears

How does the world see me? Independent Woman Pt.1-Destiny's Child

Will I have a happy life? Bye, Bye, Bye-Nsync

What do my friends really think of me? Click, Click, Click-New Kids on the Block

Do people secretly lust after me? Play-David Banner

How can I make myself happy? Sugar, Sugar-Baby Bash ft. Frankie J

What should I do with my life? Love Story-Taylor Swift

Will I ever have children? Stupid Girls-Pink

What is some good advice for me? Whatever you like-T.I

Uh Oh Spagetti O's :o

Okay so after the last time I went over my phone bill by $50 with text messages I was under the impression that I had unlimited texting but apparently that is not the case, so I've gone over my bill by 100 bucks. yay for me lol. So if u send a text and I don't respond that is y. I can still receive them free but only have 250 to send and I sent 930 last month so I will most def. b cutting back. Love all my bishes!
Please feel free to send me plenty of text cuz as u can tell I am a text whore and will freaking miss texting every little thing and we have free incoming so it doesn't cost me anything to receive.

Only 15 Days left yay!!!!!!

Donnie, please forgive me =)

Here's a story from work the other night. Donnie girls don't be mad with me I still Love Donnie Wahlberg lol.
This customer (we'll call him Creepy McCreeperson) comes in and asks for recommendations (common, I don't think anything of it) so I give him some movie recommendations and anything I say is good he picks up, now he has 5 movies in his hand(making his total 11). Okay maybe he just has a lot of free time, then he says something to the effect of maybe u'll watch one with me, So it gets awkward and I have to be nice cuz I'm working, I reply I've seen all those continues to try and flirt w/ me and then Creepy asks me if I'm married or if I have a "friend", since I want to end this awkward situation quickly I say yeah I have a "friend" (even though I know I'm single as ever), he preceeds to ask all about my "friend" and when he asks who my "friend" is cuz he might know him, what name do I say? Jordan! How does that happen? I said Jordan instead of Donnie, I knew I was finding Jordan more and more hot since Charlotte, and was even considering myself a Donnie/Jordan girl but for me to say Jordan first, what has gotten into me? BTW, my coworker who was within hearing range of this whole spectacle found it hilarious, which made it 10 times harder for me to not bust out laughing.

So there was a momentary lapse in my brain but please don't ever forget I LOVE DONNIE WAHLBERG!!! I know Erin likes to question my love for the man so I have to make it clear. =)

"Wake up, Wake up"

So the premiere of 2 in the morning was this week and you talk about hottness!!! OMG, I am so loving this video. I've loved the song since I first heard it, it's always in my top 3 favs off the album, right now it's my number1 but my favs change so much because I freakin love every song on the album.

Donnie-Do I even need to say it? I will just in case u've forgotten I LOVE Donnie Wahlberg! that smirk, that look, that voice, I could go on for days.

Danny-Holy Hottness Batman!, even hotter than normal if that is at all possible

Jordan-"wake up, wake up" umm hello, where did my panties go?

Jon-not nearly enough of him, but what is there is ubber hott

Joe-between his "we can work it out" and Jordan's "wake up, wake up" I may never find my panties again.

I do have a small complaint with the video....too much time is devoted to the actors, I want a whole 4 mins of our men. lol
Love, Love, Love this video though, can't watch it enough.

Now on to my excitement!
In just 16 days I will be seeing my bishes, and then in 17 days I'll be seeing my mens again. I can't flipping wait!! I don't think Greenville knows what's coming for it.

Now I'm off to have a Jason Statham movie marathon, Transporter 1-3, Italian Job (know I had to have a Wahlberg movie in there) and mayb The Bank Job if I've got time. Never really thought he was hot but his swagger does something to me LOL.

Boys are stupid...throw rocks at them

So today I have come to the conclusion that boys are stupid (not my first time coming to this conclusion) . I just don't understand why it is so hard to say what you mean, DON'T say one thing and then do something that totally contradicts what you just said! Why is this such a hard concept for the male sex to comprehend? I'm so done with boys! (for today anyway lol)

On much happier notes

*Only 24 days til I see my Donnie!
*2 more of my bishes will be sharing the experience with me! Now if we could just find a way to drag in/sneak in the other 3 it would be even more perfect! lol
*I freaking LOVE Donnie Wahlberg!!!

I think that is all for now and I will leave you with a small confession:
I may Love Jordan Knight as much as I love Donnie Wahlberg! The jury is still out on that one though =)

Might as well jump on the train before it leaves the station =)

So it seems that almost all of my bishes have one of these so I figure I might as well jump on the train before I get left lol.
On the iffy side of life: today I went and picked up my cap and gown for my undergrad graduation, which makes me super excited! At the same time it makes me incredibly nervous, I have to pray real hard that I make it through this semester and this summer internship and actually get my degree, and that I find some type of job following that to sustain myself. If you can fit it in say a prayer for me to finish.
On a happy side of life: today NKOTB was on Regis and Kelly live! and they looked awesome, Donnie wrote a new blog which always always makes me smile no matter what he says, they gave a sneak preview of their new music video which I can't wait to see on Monday, and then they were on E! News talking and looking wonderfully amazing. It still amazes me how much I love these 5 men.
On a looking forward to the future note; 24 days from tomorrow I will be seeing my Donnie Wahlberg again and hopefully telling him something more than "I Love Donnie Wahlberg," I will hopefully get a chance to talk to Jordan this time, I'll get to see an amazing show, and I'll be sharing it with 4 of my bishes. Tomorrow morning I will wake up to NKOTB on the Today show and then Monday I will be watching the premiere of the "2 in the morning video" I feel like it's going to be a good couple of days =)

p.s please forgive any grammatical errors or misspellings as I was and often am still, distracted by thoughts of hot guys in my English classes
examples include but are not limited to: