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I debated about whether to post this blog or not, because it is family and I've always said when ppl wrote things like this that 'everybody didn't wanna kno ur family's business' and if u don't wanna kno stop reading now, cuz it helps me to write it out, so welcome to my grieving process.
I'll begin by saying that my family is far from conventional but we were close and we love one another to no end. I have 4 aunts, 3 of which I have lived w/ at some point in my childhood. Before I moved in w/ my grandparents, my mother and I lived w/ my oldest aunt and her family for 2 yrs. Her youngest son is 11 months older than me and we were like brother & sister for that time. We shared a room, we watched power rangers before school everyday, we rode the bus together everyday, we played together everyday, we fought just like siblings, we swam together, we were kids together. We were somewhat close until we entered our teens, then we lived in diff. towns and we weren't like siblings anymore, but we were still family.
If I had to describe his mom, my aunt w/ one word it would be: giving. She would do anything and everything for anybody in need, sometimes to a fault. She did so much for me and for my entire family, and she always forgave family, always. No matter what they did (and some members of my family have done some messed up things) she would still say they are family. I love her and I always will.
On Thursday morning I woke up to my youngest aunt calling to tell me that my oldest aunt had been found dead. Disbelief set in and I couldn't believe it was possible, I didn't understand why, I just couldn't comprehend. Once I managed to calm down somewhat I was told that they believed her youngest son was responsible. I felt like the air had been sucked out of my chest I couldn't breathe, I couldn't speak, I couldn't move. That just wasn't right, he couldn't have done this, he wouldn't have done this, they were wrong he couldn't have done it. But in fact he had done it, he was captured and he confessed. I know that the person that pulled that trigger was not the little boy that I played cops and robbers with, I know that the person that did this heinous thing was not the person that I knew without the drugs, I know that but that doesn't make the pain any less. Now I grieve the loss of my aunt, that was taken from this Earth way 2 soon. I want to hate him and feel anger towards him 4 taking someone I love away from me, for causing our family more pain than we could ever imagine. I can't make myself feel those things tho, right now all I feel is hurt, hurt that he did this to her, hurt that this is what drugs brought him 2, hurt that he took her away, hurt that she didn't deserve this, hurt that he did this 2 OUR family, hurt that I still love him, and hurt that I will always love and miss her.