It's time for an update

Next month will mark six months since I graduated from ECU. This year has really flown by.

Ester has sadly gone to the big car lot in the sky :( I shall miss her, I had a lot of good times in Ester and she took me to a lot of great places! But Losing Ester did bring me Hank who is awesome! (although his payment is not).

Right now I am contemplating whether I should attempt to go back to school for my Master's. My job now would allow me some time to work on assignments but I am just unsure if it would be possible financially or if they would even accept me into the program since my grades were less than stellar as an undergraduate. I also contemplated finding a second job but I don't see my schedule allowing that at all. I'm perplexed and I need a solution quick because my student loan payments are no joke.

New York

pic from @barby312

I know that this blog is really late, but I've been trying to figure out how I was gonna put into words what was an incredibly wonderful experience. I haven't figured that out yet because 'incredibly wonderful' still doesn't do the experience justice.

I guess I'll start with us getting to New York. It seemed like the month before the trip was plagued with nothing but obstacles, from a broken foot (how does that happen??), health problems and car problems, to a freaking pilot strike (which I won't comment on cuz I'll get off on an angry tangent). But despite the obstacles and with help from Jess' mom (whom I'm still extremely thankful for) we were able to finally get to New York.

I'll be here for another week if I try to recount everything that happened once we were there. I say that because it was more of the small moments with the awesome people I was there with that made the experience as amazing as it was. Don't get me wrong I LOVE the big moments, like when BSB joined NKOTB on stage (still aren't words to describe that feeling), but I could have gone to New York alone and still enjoyed those moments, the trip would have been mediocre at best without my girls.

The Meet and Greet was AWESOME! I (of course) acted like a complete bumbling crazy fan girl but the guys were amazing as always, Jordan said my name (which added to my craziness) Joe got me love from Danny, who I ended up leaning away from (WTF!?!?) cuz I was busy telling Donnie (again) "I Love Donnie Wahlberg." (Sorry Danny :( I need a do over for that) and even tho I'm next to my Jordan in the first picture I adore our second picture because everyone is smiling and we all look very happy.



(Jess' face in the below picture makes me giggle tho)


The shows themselves were unbelievable!! Especially when Jordan pointed to me while singing "cuz I couldn't stop thinking 'bout you." (I know you love that Jess LOL.) The guys were on point as usual, they made us laugh, they made us cry, we danced (altho I was able to keep my jewelry and panties unlike some ppl *ahem*Jess*ahem*, we sang, we were surprised, we were shocked and we were amazed. We had a Damn good time!

The nights after the shows were spent having a blast terrorizing the front desk people (who I'm sure miss us), eating $50 pizza (at the recommendation of the front desk person), playing with the ridiculous amount of glow sticks we had and being accused of stealing Pooh bear. When we weren't at a show we were introducing Kelly to the song Toasties, walking across the street with Rudy Giuliani, snapping pictures of an out of work Elmo (and then running), being told to enjoy our toilet paper (huh?), meeting a Rockette, trying out the street vendors food, touring NBC studios, forming the newest Pop sensation 99cent Dreams, building Nu'ber Onzblock (99cent Dreams official mascot), meeting people face to face that we'd been following on twitter for over a year, and what was probably my favorite part; meeting awesome Blockheads (including the Fabulous Liz and Andrea!).

We met a lot of really awesome people on that trip and had a lot of really good times, I wouldn't change a minute of anything that happened (with the exception of Erin's broken foot and not having her at our Time Square sing-a-long.) The trip was perfect.

Thank you Erin for always being my ride or die Biotch! An NKOTB adventure is not an NKOTB adventure without you.
Thank you Jess for being my travel buddy. We did it, but I wouldn't have made it without!
Thank you Kelly for putting up with my spastic, crazy I'm a Jordan girl but "I Love Donnie Wahlberg" self.
To my girls that couldn't join us on this adventure, we missed you and I hope you can join me on whatever adventure is next.
Love you girls and can't wait to go on another NKOTB adventure with you!! (Boston anyone??)

I miss her :(

My First Christmas in Heaven

I see the countless Christmas trees around the world below
With tiny lights, like Heaven’s stars, reflecting on the snow
The sight is so spectacular, please wipe away the tear
For I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.
I hear the many Christmas songs that people hold so dear
But the sounds of music can’t compare
with the Christmas choir up here.

I have no words to tell you, the joy their voices bring,
For it is beyond description, to hear the angels sing.
I know how much you miss me, I see the pain inside your heart
But I am not so far away, we really aren’t apart.
So be happy for me, dear ones, you know I hold you dear.
And be glad I’m spending Christmas
with Jesus Christ this year.

I sent you each a special gift, from my heavenly home above.
I sent you each a memory of my undying love.
After all, love is a gift more precious than pure gold
It was always most important in the stories Jesus told.
Please love and keep each other, as my Father said to do
For I can’t count the blessing or love he has for each of you
So have a Merry Christmas and wipe away that tear
Remember, I am spending Christmas
with Jesus Christ this year.
( by Author Unknown)

Tell Them

I'm told that time will make it better but I can't imagine this feeling ever going away. I still can't believe that this has happened and I still can't believe she's gone. I feel like I could call her now and she would answer the phone w/ her usual "Sustah" cuz that's what she did. Family gatherings will never be as funny, or entertaining, or close to the same ever again. My only question is Why?? Seriously drugs and money?! drugs and money?! It's just not fair.
My grandfather says that there is a reason for this and we can't see it thru the pain right now but something good will come from this, I can't imagine what that could possibly be, but I'll hope that something good does come from it.
I guess if I've learned anything this past week it's to not take ur loved ones for granted cuz they may be gone tomorrow. It wasn't until my grandmother got sick that I even started telling ppl I loved them. But tell them you love them, give them a hug. Tell them often and mean it. And I knew that before hand but I look back and I realize that I did take having her for granted. Don't let a tragedy like this have to teach you the hard way. I regret that the last time I talked to her I don't kno if I told her I loved her or not. Don't have a reason to question something like that, say it everytime, so you'll be sure. I kno that she knows I love her and will always but I do wish that I hadn't taken her presence here for granted.

"Bye Bye"
Mariah Carey

This is for my peoples who just lost somebody
Your best friend, your baby, your man, or your lady
Put your hand way up high
We will never say bye (no, no, no)
Mamas, daddies, sisters, brothers, friends and cousins
This is for my peoples who lost their grandmothers
Lift your head to the sky 'cause we will never say bye

As a child there were them times
I didn't get it but you kept me in line
I didn't know why you didn't show up sometimes
On Sunday mornings, and I missed you
But I'm glad we talked through
All them grown folk things
Separation brings
You never let me know it
You never let it show because
You loved me and obviously
There's so much more left to say
If you were with me today face to face

[Chorus:]
I never knew I could hurt like this
And everyday life goes on like
I wish I could talk to you for awhile
Miss you but I try not to cry
As time goes by
And it's true that you've reached a better place
Still I'd give the world to see your face
And I'm right here next to you
But it's like you're gone too soon
Now the hardest thing to do is say bye bye

(Bye Bye [3x])
Bye bye

And you never got the chance to see how good I've done
And you never got to see me back at number one
I wish that you were here to celebrate together
I wish that we could spend the holidays together

I remember when you used to tuck me in at night
With the Teddy Bear you gave to me that I held so tight
I thought you were so strong
You'd make it through whatever
It's so hard to accept the fact you're gone forever

[Chorus]

(bye bye bye bye bye bye [3x])
Bye bye

This is for my peoples who just lost somebody
Your best friend, your baby, your man, or your lady
Put your hand way up high
We will never say bye (no, no, no)
Mamas, daddies, sisters, brothers, friends and cousins
This is for my peoples who lost their grandmothers
Lift your head to the sky 'cause we will never say bye

[Chorus]

Untitled

I debated about whether to post this blog or not, because it is family and I've always said when ppl wrote things like this that 'everybody didn't wanna kno ur family's business' and if u don't wanna kno stop reading now, cuz it helps me to write it out, so welcome to my grieving process.
I'll begin by saying that my family is far from conventional but we were close and we love one another to no end. I have 4 aunts, 3 of which I have lived w/ at some point in my childhood. Before I moved in w/ my grandparents, my mother and I lived w/ my oldest aunt and her family for 2 yrs. Her youngest son is 11 months older than me and we were like brother & sister for that time. We shared a room, we watched power rangers before school everyday, we rode the bus together everyday, we played together everyday, we fought just like siblings, we swam together, we were kids together. We were somewhat close until we entered our teens, then we lived in diff. towns and we weren't like siblings anymore, but we were still family.
If I had to describe his mom, my aunt w/ one word it would be: giving. She would do anything and everything for anybody in need, sometimes to a fault. She did so much for me and for my entire family, and she always forgave family, always. No matter what they did (and some members of my family have done some messed up things) she would still say they are family. I love her and I always will.
On Thursday morning I woke up to my youngest aunt calling to tell me that my oldest aunt had been found dead. Disbelief set in and I couldn't believe it was possible, I didn't understand why, I just couldn't comprehend. Once I managed to calm down somewhat I was told that they believed her youngest son was responsible. I felt like the air had been sucked out of my chest I couldn't breathe, I couldn't speak, I couldn't move. That just wasn't right, he couldn't have done this, he wouldn't have done this, they were wrong he couldn't have done it. But in fact he had done it, he was captured and he confessed. I know that the person that pulled that trigger was not the little boy that I played cops and robbers with, I know that the person that did this heinous thing was not the person that I knew without the drugs, I know that but that doesn't make the pain any less. Now I grieve the loss of my aunt, that was taken from this Earth way 2 soon. I want to hate him and feel anger towards him 4 taking someone I love away from me, for causing our family more pain than we could ever imagine. I can't make myself feel those things tho, right now all I feel is hurt, hurt that he did this to her, hurt that this is what drugs brought him 2, hurt that he took her away, hurt that she didn't deserve this, hurt that he did this 2 OUR family, hurt that I still love him, and hurt that I will always love and miss her.

<3 Love <3

I'm sure y'all have seen this by now, but the expression of sheer joy on Joe's face when he jumps on Jon after he sings step 5 is incredible. I didn't think it was possible but it makes me love them even more. Each day I think "man there is no way I could love these guys anymore" and then almost everyday they do something or I see something that makes me love them that much more. I'm gonna run outta love pretty soon LOL. j/k I could never run outta love for these guys. I think that I may love it so much because I caught a glimpse of them having the kind of joy they bring to me daily.



After my Negative Nancy friends tried to prepare me for "the end" I came to accept that even if there was no more New Kids they wouldn't leave us completely between twitter and their solo projects, there would be other opportunities, but now I don't have to settle for that (hopefully). This video makes me incredibly happy. I am trying not to get too excited about this because it's not set in stone yet, but man does it give me hope! 2011!

I Love the New Kids On The Block with all my heart!!!!!! <3 <3 <3

I LOVE..............

JORDAN KNIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!