I have some really amazing friends

Had it not been for NKOTB reuniting, I would not have been introduced to the people that I now consider my best friends. I can honestly say that my life is better because I have them in it. Aside from them being there for me when I need them, or just talking to me when I' m bored, I have shared some of the most amazing experiences of my life with them. I won't even try to list all of these adventures but from my first meeting of Donnie Wahlberg, to my first flight which led to my first trip to New York, I've shared it with these girls.

We have just added another adventure to that list, the NKOTBSB Greensboro show, and I can not even begin to express how excited I am to not only be able to go to this show but to be going with these girls. If it were not for their pure awesomness I would not be able to go so to be able to go and to go with them is unbelievable and incredible. I am even more grateful because I know that not all of them are fans of BsB or are excited about the combo but they are not being critical of BsB and are tolerating this collabo for my sake (and so they can see their men =)).

I want you girls to know that I appreciate that and am grateful for it. I know not all BH's are willing to 'put up' with BsB so I am happy that I have been blessed with such amazing friends that are willing to tolerate that along with my craziness. Anybody that has seen my craziness before a NKOTB show should only expect it to double with the addition of BsB. I am unbelievably excited! I can't freaking wait! Greensboro here we come!

To all my BH besties: I heart you bunches
To my NYC/99cent dream girls: Thank you, Thank you for taking on another adventure that includes me! I love you all bunches and I am singing the Golden Girls theme song to you all right now. LOL.

To anyone that doesn't know: I Heart Jordan Knight
and To anyone that just happens upon this: Hi! Thanx for reading =)

193 days to go!!!

Then and Now: NKOTBSB

In case you happen upon this blog and are unaware of my love for boybands let me take you back to 1997. I was 10 years old in the 5th grade and was assigned a seat next to Rhiannon Bolig, she was looking through a Teen Beat magazine and there it started; what most people that know me call an obsession ( I prefer to call it a passionate love) for the Backstreet Boys. I think I can say that 90% of my middle school years were spent revolving around the Backstreet Boys. They made me happy throughout my tumoltuous teenage years.





Proof:


While most of my love was always directed at the Backstreet Boys, after that initial introduction to boy bands I was sold and have loved almost every boy band since.


May 17, 1999: it was the day before the release of the Backstreet Boys second (American) album Millennium and I was watching TRL. Most days I only watched the top five because Nsync, Backstreet Boys and Britney Spears were always fighting for the top spot but I watched the entire show this day because there was a lot of promo going on for Millennium. That was when I saw Jordan Knight, it was the first time he told me he could give it to me and I think it may have been my first experience with love at first sight. He was pretty to me!


This immediate infatuation lead me to the internet which in turn lead me to a site that told me all about him being a former member of the New Kids on the Block. That was when I saw him, Mr. Donnie Wahlberg! He had fluffy hair (which we know now that I have a weakness for) a bandana on and a scowl on his face, there happened my second experience with love at first sight. I had to know more about the New Kids on the Block! I downloaded their biggest songs only to learn that I already knew most of them, my Aunt Tonya had had their Hangin Tough cassette tape and I had loved it. My love for NKOTB grew but it was not like my love for Backstreet Boys because I had no one to talk about the New Kids with, and no way to enjoy them outside of the internet (which my access to was limited.) I watched videos and I listened to their songs but it was a different love, it was a "wish I had been around for this cuz it's awesome" kinda love.



In 2008, nearly 9 years later it was confirmed that NKOTB was reuniting. This sent me on a whirlwind ride that I still haven't gotten off of. These past 2 and a half years have proved to be 2 and a half of the most trying years for me personally, and through that I have had both NKOTB and BSB. But I never imagined that I would see NKOTB and BSB together, never fathomed it. Even when I was told hours before it happened, I didn't believe it. Nope it wasn't gonna happen, I believe my exact words were "Danny doesn't even like the Backstreet Boys" there is no way, and then shortly after I was screaming til I had no air because it WAS possible and it was happening before my eyes.



I was there to experience a once in a lifetime event, NKOTB and BSB performing together, it wouldn't happen again right? Wrong! Last week they officially confirmed the rumors that they would tour together. I couldn't be more happy right? Well yes and no. See for me, to have my BSB world and my NKOTB world collide would be absolutely amazing, or so I thought. I am absolutely ecstatic about the NKOTBSB tour, I think it will be nothing short of Epic!! but if I am unable to get a second job, I will not be able to take part in this epicness and that hurts my heart.


Financial issues aside, my NKOTB/BSB combined world is a rare breed. See, a lot of the fans of both groups are not happy about this collaboration, which is still hard for me to understand because if BSB or NKOTB had said they were to tour with Soulja Boy (whom irks me) I would have been just as excited. Now I understand that the ticketing process is what a lot of the uproar is about but if you don't get floor tickets for this concert is it really gonna kill you? If I had to sit in the very last seat in the very last row in the biggest arena in America I would go, I would go and I would enjoy myself. I know that if I am able to attend any of the shows to come I will go and be happy, I just hope that whoever I go with will share my excitement. I love my friends that I have been blessed to meet through NKOTB but I know that they don't share my excitement and I don't want to take away from their NKOTB experience.




Will I be able to go? Will I get a second job? Will tickets go on sale WAY too soon? Will the tour come close enough for me to go? Will I meet BSB? Will my 12 year old self make yet another apperance? Stay tuned to find out lol ;)

It's time for an update

Next month will mark six months since I graduated from ECU. This year has really flown by.

Ester has sadly gone to the big car lot in the sky :( I shall miss her, I had a lot of good times in Ester and she took me to a lot of great places! But Losing Ester did bring me Hank who is awesome! (although his payment is not).

Right now I am contemplating whether I should attempt to go back to school for my Master's. My job now would allow me some time to work on assignments but I am just unsure if it would be possible financially or if they would even accept me into the program since my grades were less than stellar as an undergraduate. I also contemplated finding a second job but I don't see my schedule allowing that at all. I'm perplexed and I need a solution quick because my student loan payments are no joke.

New York

pic from @barby312

I know that this blog is really late, but I've been trying to figure out how I was gonna put into words what was an incredibly wonderful experience. I haven't figured that out yet because 'incredibly wonderful' still doesn't do the experience justice.

I guess I'll start with us getting to New York. It seemed like the month before the trip was plagued with nothing but obstacles, from a broken foot (how does that happen??), health problems and car problems, to a freaking pilot strike (which I won't comment on cuz I'll get off on an angry tangent). But despite the obstacles and with help from Jess' mom (whom I'm still extremely thankful for) we were able to finally get to New York.

I'll be here for another week if I try to recount everything that happened once we were there. I say that because it was more of the small moments with the awesome people I was there with that made the experience as amazing as it was. Don't get me wrong I LOVE the big moments, like when BSB joined NKOTB on stage (still aren't words to describe that feeling), but I could have gone to New York alone and still enjoyed those moments, the trip would have been mediocre at best without my girls.

The Meet and Greet was AWESOME! I (of course) acted like a complete bumbling crazy fan girl but the guys were amazing as always, Jordan said my name (which added to my craziness) Joe got me love from Danny, who I ended up leaning away from (WTF!?!?) cuz I was busy telling Donnie (again) "I Love Donnie Wahlberg." (Sorry Danny :( I need a do over for that) and even tho I'm next to my Jordan in the first picture I adore our second picture because everyone is smiling and we all look very happy.



(Jess' face in the below picture makes me giggle tho)


The shows themselves were unbelievable!! Especially when Jordan pointed to me while singing "cuz I couldn't stop thinking 'bout you." (I know you love that Jess LOL.) The guys were on point as usual, they made us laugh, they made us cry, we danced (altho I was able to keep my jewelry and panties unlike some ppl *ahem*Jess*ahem*, we sang, we were surprised, we were shocked and we were amazed. We had a Damn good time!

The nights after the shows were spent having a blast terrorizing the front desk people (who I'm sure miss us), eating $50 pizza (at the recommendation of the front desk person), playing with the ridiculous amount of glow sticks we had and being accused of stealing Pooh bear. When we weren't at a show we were introducing Kelly to the song Toasties, walking across the street with Rudy Giuliani, snapping pictures of an out of work Elmo (and then running), being told to enjoy our toilet paper (huh?), meeting a Rockette, trying out the street vendors food, touring NBC studios, forming the newest Pop sensation 99cent Dreams, building Nu'ber Onzblock (99cent Dreams official mascot), meeting people face to face that we'd been following on twitter for over a year, and what was probably my favorite part; meeting awesome Blockheads (including the Fabulous Liz and Andrea!).

We met a lot of really awesome people on that trip and had a lot of really good times, I wouldn't change a minute of anything that happened (with the exception of Erin's broken foot and not having her at our Time Square sing-a-long.) The trip was perfect.

Thank you Erin for always being my ride or die Biotch! An NKOTB adventure is not an NKOTB adventure without you.
Thank you Jess for being my travel buddy. We did it, but I wouldn't have made it without!
Thank you Kelly for putting up with my spastic, crazy I'm a Jordan girl but "I Love Donnie Wahlberg" self.
To my girls that couldn't join us on this adventure, we missed you and I hope you can join me on whatever adventure is next.
Love you girls and can't wait to go on another NKOTB adventure with you!! (Boston anyone??)

I miss her :(

My First Christmas in Heaven

I see the countless Christmas trees around the world below
With tiny lights, like Heaven’s stars, reflecting on the snow
The sight is so spectacular, please wipe away the tear
For I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.
I hear the many Christmas songs that people hold so dear
But the sounds of music can’t compare
with the Christmas choir up here.

I have no words to tell you, the joy their voices bring,
For it is beyond description, to hear the angels sing.
I know how much you miss me, I see the pain inside your heart
But I am not so far away, we really aren’t apart.
So be happy for me, dear ones, you know I hold you dear.
And be glad I’m spending Christmas
with Jesus Christ this year.

I sent you each a special gift, from my heavenly home above.
I sent you each a memory of my undying love.
After all, love is a gift more precious than pure gold
It was always most important in the stories Jesus told.
Please love and keep each other, as my Father said to do
For I can’t count the blessing or love he has for each of you
So have a Merry Christmas and wipe away that tear
Remember, I am spending Christmas
with Jesus Christ this year.
( by Author Unknown)

Tell Them

I'm told that time will make it better but I can't imagine this feeling ever going away. I still can't believe that this has happened and I still can't believe she's gone. I feel like I could call her now and she would answer the phone w/ her usual "Sustah" cuz that's what she did. Family gatherings will never be as funny, or entertaining, or close to the same ever again. My only question is Why?? Seriously drugs and money?! drugs and money?! It's just not fair.
My grandfather says that there is a reason for this and we can't see it thru the pain right now but something good will come from this, I can't imagine what that could possibly be, but I'll hope that something good does come from it.
I guess if I've learned anything this past week it's to not take ur loved ones for granted cuz they may be gone tomorrow. It wasn't until my grandmother got sick that I even started telling ppl I loved them. But tell them you love them, give them a hug. Tell them often and mean it. And I knew that before hand but I look back and I realize that I did take having her for granted. Don't let a tragedy like this have to teach you the hard way. I regret that the last time I talked to her I don't kno if I told her I loved her or not. Don't have a reason to question something like that, say it everytime, so you'll be sure. I kno that she knows I love her and will always but I do wish that I hadn't taken her presence here for granted.

"Bye Bye"
Mariah Carey

This is for my peoples who just lost somebody
Your best friend, your baby, your man, or your lady
Put your hand way up high
We will never say bye (no, no, no)
Mamas, daddies, sisters, brothers, friends and cousins
This is for my peoples who lost their grandmothers
Lift your head to the sky 'cause we will never say bye

As a child there were them times
I didn't get it but you kept me in line
I didn't know why you didn't show up sometimes
On Sunday mornings, and I missed you
But I'm glad we talked through
All them grown folk things
Separation brings
You never let me know it
You never let it show because
You loved me and obviously
There's so much more left to say
If you were with me today face to face

[Chorus:]
I never knew I could hurt like this
And everyday life goes on like
I wish I could talk to you for awhile
Miss you but I try not to cry
As time goes by
And it's true that you've reached a better place
Still I'd give the world to see your face
And I'm right here next to you
But it's like you're gone too soon
Now the hardest thing to do is say bye bye

(Bye Bye [3x])
Bye bye

And you never got the chance to see how good I've done
And you never got to see me back at number one
I wish that you were here to celebrate together
I wish that we could spend the holidays together

I remember when you used to tuck me in at night
With the Teddy Bear you gave to me that I held so tight
I thought you were so strong
You'd make it through whatever
It's so hard to accept the fact you're gone forever

[Chorus]

(bye bye bye bye bye bye [3x])
Bye bye

This is for my peoples who just lost somebody
Your best friend, your baby, your man, or your lady
Put your hand way up high
We will never say bye (no, no, no)
Mamas, daddies, sisters, brothers, friends and cousins
This is for my peoples who lost their grandmothers
Lift your head to the sky 'cause we will never say bye

[Chorus]

Untitled

I debated about whether to post this blog or not, because it is family and I've always said when ppl wrote things like this that 'everybody didn't wanna kno ur family's business' and if u don't wanna kno stop reading now, cuz it helps me to write it out, so welcome to my grieving process.
I'll begin by saying that my family is far from conventional but we were close and we love one another to no end. I have 4 aunts, 3 of which I have lived w/ at some point in my childhood. Before I moved in w/ my grandparents, my mother and I lived w/ my oldest aunt and her family for 2 yrs. Her youngest son is 11 months older than me and we were like brother & sister for that time. We shared a room, we watched power rangers before school everyday, we rode the bus together everyday, we played together everyday, we fought just like siblings, we swam together, we were kids together. We were somewhat close until we entered our teens, then we lived in diff. towns and we weren't like siblings anymore, but we were still family.
If I had to describe his mom, my aunt w/ one word it would be: giving. She would do anything and everything for anybody in need, sometimes to a fault. She did so much for me and for my entire family, and she always forgave family, always. No matter what they did (and some members of my family have done some messed up things) she would still say they are family. I love her and I always will.
On Thursday morning I woke up to my youngest aunt calling to tell me that my oldest aunt had been found dead. Disbelief set in and I couldn't believe it was possible, I didn't understand why, I just couldn't comprehend. Once I managed to calm down somewhat I was told that they believed her youngest son was responsible. I felt like the air had been sucked out of my chest I couldn't breathe, I couldn't speak, I couldn't move. That just wasn't right, he couldn't have done this, he wouldn't have done this, they were wrong he couldn't have done it. But in fact he had done it, he was captured and he confessed. I know that the person that pulled that trigger was not the little boy that I played cops and robbers with, I know that the person that did this heinous thing was not the person that I knew without the drugs, I know that but that doesn't make the pain any less. Now I grieve the loss of my aunt, that was taken from this Earth way 2 soon. I want to hate him and feel anger towards him 4 taking someone I love away from me, for causing our family more pain than we could ever imagine. I can't make myself feel those things tho, right now all I feel is hurt, hurt that he did this to her, hurt that this is what drugs brought him 2, hurt that he took her away, hurt that she didn't deserve this, hurt that he did this 2 OUR family, hurt that I still love him, and hurt that I will always love and miss her.